im six kinds of drunk right now
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
