Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
