I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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