If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I forgot wine drunk hurts
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
