im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
