She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
