wanna go halves on a baby?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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