We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
