even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Randomize
