I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
