She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Is Oprah even human
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
