I wannas sexs uuuuu
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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