Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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