Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
