I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
