she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
