he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
