Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
