my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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