Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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