do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
