dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
