sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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