PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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