they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize