woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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