Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
