I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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