fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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