I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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