please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I need to sanitize my soul.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
