Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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