On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
