I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
