when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
