it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
