chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Everclear isn't food dammit
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
