i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize