you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
