dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
