Where is the hickey?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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