I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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