you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
how does that bad decision feel?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize