you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize