your room smells of hookers.
And success
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
