Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Randomize
