i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
