we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
