If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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