I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Randomize
