This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
