i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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