i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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