I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Also, beer. Big fan.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
