I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
