guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't special order awesome
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
