Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
