i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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