I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
