Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
