Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize