yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
