She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
