i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
