i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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