Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
