I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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