i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
